IN-PERSON IN EAGLE ROCK & ONLINE ACROSS CA
You don't have to shrink yourself to be loved.
Dating & Relationship Therapy in Eagle Rock, Los Angeles
Maybe “I’m just really easygoing” isn’t the whole story.
You are easygoing. Sometimes.
But sometimes “easygoing” means you don’t say what you actually want because you don’t want to make things difficult. You tell yourself it’s not a big deal, you adjust, and you give them another chance. Sometimes you apologize even though you’re not entirely sure what you did wrong.
And after a while, you’re putting a whole lot of energy into keeping the relationship okay while slowly becoming less and less okay yourself.
Maybe you know the feeling of…
Saying “I don’t care, you pick” when you absolutely have an opinion but don’t want to start a fight.
Rewriting a text six times so you don’t sound too needy, too interested, too annoyed, and (apparently) too human.
Doing most of the reaching out, planning, checking in, caretaking, and emotional heavy lifting.
Feeling perfectly fine until their mood changes—and suddenly yours does, too.
Spending so much time figuring out what they want that “What do I want?” feels weirdly difficult to answer.
You’re not asking for too much by wanting relationships where your needs, feelings, and opinions get to exist, too. It’s possible to learn how to stay connected to someone else without constantly disconnecting from yourself.
My Approach
You didn’t develop these relationship patterns out of nowhere.
Maybe you learned early that keeping the peace was safer than saying what you wanted, that being useful made you valuable, or that needing other people was a pretty good way to get disappointed. Maybe you’ve spent years masking your ADHD or AuDHD to fit other people’s expectations.
We’ll get curious about where those patterns came from and help you decide whether they still deserve this much say in your relationships.
1. Figure out where you learned the rules.
We’ll look at what relationships were like in your family growing up and what you learned about closeness, conflict, asking for help, having needs, and taking care of other people.
(Because the stuff that feels like “just who I am” often has a history.)
2. Question the shit you’ve been telling yourself.
I’m too needy. I should be easygoing. If I say no, they’ll be upset. If someone pulls away, I did something wrong.
We’ll notice the beliefs and self-talk driving the way you show up in relationships, figure out where they came from, and start giving them a little less authority.
3. Practice taking up your half of the relationship.
We’ll work on saying what you want, setting boundaries, tolerating the discomfort of someone being disappointed, and staying present when conflict shows up. You can start paying attention to whether a relationship actually works for you instead of putting all your energy into making yourself work for the relationship.
Relationships are complicated enough without constantly trying to be whoever you think the other person wants. You’re allowed to show up as a whole person and see who meets you there.
Relationship therapy can help you…
Say what you actually want…instead of automatically going along with everyone else.
Handle the uncertainty of dating…without letting every text—or lack of one—determine your whole mood.
Notice when you’re doing all the work…in the relationship and stop volunteering for the entire job.
Feel your feelings…without turning them into an extensive research project.
Spend less time wondering whether someone likes you…and more time figuring out whether you actually like them.
Trust yourself…when a relationship doesn’t feel right, instead of explaining away what you already know.
IN-PERSON & ONLINE THERAPY FOR RELATIONSHIPS IN LOS ANGELES, CA
The right relationships have room for all of you.
Schedule a Consultation
Schedule a Consultation
Questions?
FAQs
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There’s usually more going on than having “bad taste” in partners.
The relationships you grew up around can shape what feels familiar, what you expect from other people, and what you believe you have to do to stay connected. If you learned to keep the peace, take care of everyone else, or expect very little in return, those patterns can follow you into adult relationships without you realizing it.
Therapy can help you see those patterns more clearly and get a lot more intentional about who gets your time and energy.
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Because knowing you should set a boundary and actually tolerating what happens afterward are two very different things.
If saying no brings up guilt, fear of conflict, or worry that someone will leave, it makes sense that boundaries feel difficult. We can work on understanding where those reactions come from and getting more comfortable advocating for yourself, even when someone else isn’t thrilled about it.
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Absolutely. You don’t need to be in a relationship to work on how you show up in them.
Therapy can be a place to look at dating anxiety, attachment patterns, past relationships, loneliness, boundaries, or why you keep finding yourself in dynamics that leave you feeling anxious, resentful, or like you’re doing all the work. Being single can give you some useful breathing room to figure out what you want before the next person enters the picture.
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Yes. People-pleasing can look like being “easygoing,” avoiding conflict, saying yes when you want to say no, or taking responsibility for keeping everyone around you happy.
We’ll look at how that pattern developed and help you practice saying what you want, setting boundaries, and letting other people have their feelings without automatically making them your responsibility.
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I earned my MA in Psychology with a specialization in Marriage and Family Therapy, and my work is informed by attachment-focused, relational, psychodynamic, and family systems approaches. I’ve also completed training and coursework in Emotionally Focused Therapy, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, Internal Family Systems, and Acceptance and Commitment Therapy.
I use that training to help clients understand how earlier relationships and family dynamics may still be influencing the way they date, set boundaries, handle conflict, and connect with other people today. Understanding why you keep doing the thing can be pretty useful when you’re trying to stop doing the thing.