Trauma Therapy
Do You Worry That People-Pleasing And A Lack Of Boundaries Are Holding You Back?
Have you been struggling with low self-esteem? Do you find it difficult to assert your own needs and desires? Are you dissatisfied with your career, relationship status, or friendships, yet you don’t know how to move forward?
Maybe you feel like you’re always responsible for other people’s feelings, and you have trouble making decisions because you fear you’ll be “punished” in some way if you upset anyone. Perhaps you always strive for perfection simply because you fear disappointing others or unintentionally causing conflict. You keep yourself emotionally guarded as a protective mechanism, but this leaves you feeling lonely and isolated because it prevents you from cultivating deep connections with others.
Little “T” Trauma In Childhood Can Damage Your Self-Esteem In Adulthood
Sometimes, you might wonder if your people-pleasing tendency and low self-worth are somehow rooted in your childhood experiences. Maybe you grew up in a high-conflict household or an environment where disagreements were suppressed. Perhaps you lived with a parent who had untreated or undiagnosed mental health issues. Or maybe you were “parentified,” or forced to grow up too fast and take on adult responsibilities at a young age.
All of these experiences and more qualify as little “t” trauma, which can have detrimental effects well into adulthood. Through therapy, you can learn to advocate for yourself, set boundaries that serve you, and embrace your authentic self. This will enable you to form healthier relationships and connect with others who value and appreciate you for who you are.
Many People Experience Little “T” Trauma Without Realizing It
Little “t” trauma is extremely common. While events that involve violence, disaster, or threats to your physical safety are characterized as big “T” trauma, little “t” trauma is defined by events that create significant emotional distress, like a difficult breakup, rejection from friend groups, or emotional harm inflicted by family members, whether intentional or not. However, many people who have lived through these experiences don’t even realize that these events can be genuinely traumatic.
People Often Minimize Their Little “T” Trauma
While little “t” trauma is not as overtly detrimental as big “T” traumas—like physical abuse or severe neglect—recent research shows that repeated exposures to little “t” trauma can actually cause higher levels of emotional harm than exposure to one big “T” traumatic event (1). Yet many people minimize these experiences and brush them off as “not that bad,” or they are simply unaware that ongoing emotional harm or neglect are forms of trauma.
Although little “t” trauma does not always lead to diagnosable mental health conditions like depression, anxiety, or PTSD, it can still hold people back from living fulfilling adult lives. Lots of people with little “t” trauma hesitate to seek counseling because they believe that every family is somewhat dysfunctional, or they feel undeserving of support because their basic needs for food, clothes, and shelter were met. But in therapy, you can examine the causes of your little “t” trauma without judgment, find validation for emotions you’ve either tried to suppress or perhaps never even realized you felt, and replace maladaptive coping strategies with healthier modes of engaging with the world.
In Therapy, You Can Explore Little “T” Trauma And Unpack Your Coping Strategies
When you work with a counselor to heal from little “t” trauma, you’ll have the opportunity to analyze the environments you grew up in and the experiences you had to better understand how those experiences have influenced your self-perception and beliefs about the world. You’ll also identify how the beliefs you formed as a result of your childhood experiences may be blocking you from enjoying true peace and happiness in adulthood.
What To Expect In Trauma Therapy Sessions
During sessions, we’ll discuss difficult childhood experiences that you may have normalized, intellectualized or dismissed, like growing up with high-conflict parents, being discouraged from expressing your feelings or having your emotional needs repeatedly dismissed. You’ll be able to reflect on the roots of your beliefs about yourself and the world around you, critique the validity of these beliefs, and develop a more realistic, compassionate outlook. We’ll also assess your relationship models and how your own behaviors and expectations within relationships might have been shaped by examples that were less than ideal.
Treatment Approaches For Trauma Therapy
I integrate techniques from multiple therapeutic approaches to address little “t” trauma. For example, attachment theory can help you gain insight into your personal attachment style and understand how attachment issues from your childhood can hold you back from relationship satisfaction today. We’ll also delve into how trauma connected to your family of origin (FOO) shaped your sense of self and your perceptions of relationships with Family Systems therapy.
Through Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), you can identify your core beliefs and their origins, challenge the beliefs that are no longer serving you, and develop new core beliefs to guide the next chapter of your life. Additionally, we can explore different aspects of your inner self and evaluate how the protective measures you adopted in response to childhood trauma might be unnecessary or self-defeating today with Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy.
Working together, I’ll equip you with skills that you can apply outside of sessions to help you become more assertive and move with confidence. We’ll focus on navigating conflicts while staying calm and setting boundaries with relatives, friends, and romantic partners.
Many people carry the subtle scars of their childhood into adulthood. Even if your experiences weren’t necessarily devastating or debilitating, you still deserve support and guidance from a therapist in identifying, processing, and healing from little “t” trauma. Working with a therapist can help you stop avoiding difficult emotions and experiences, cultivate self-compassion, foster loving relationships, and become an active participant in your own life.
But You May Still Have Questions About Trauma Therapy…
What’s the difference between big “T” trauma and little “t” trauma?
Big “T” trauma refers to events in which your body or life is under immediate threat, while little “t” trauma describes events that are not necessarily life-threatening yet still distressing. People who have gone through repeated little “t” traumas, such as divorce, bullying, family enmeshment, parentification, or other forms of interpersonal conflict, often live with fears of abandonment and feelings of helplessness. However, many people normalize these experiences and dismiss their own pain, not realizing that they are deserving of help and support.
How do I know if I’m struggling with relational trauma?
If you’ve experienced relational trauma, you might struggle with low self-esteem and codependency. You may fall into people-pleasing tendencies or have trouble forming securely attached relationships. Additionally, you might feel pressured into care-taking roles, have difficulty identifying or expressing your own emotions, and find decision-making exceptionally stressful. People who suffer from relational trauma are also particularly susceptible to depression and anxiety.
I think my parents did the best they could—I don’t want to simply blame them for my problems in therapy.
Although exploring your family background and current familial relationships is part of trauma counseling, therapy isn’t about finding a “villain” to blame for your difficulties. Instead, picture therapy as an opportunity to process and validate your childhood experiences and how they might still impact you. It’s true that most caregivers do the best they can, but unfortunately, small “t” trauma can still occur. Therapy allows you to reflect on how you may have internalized it.
Trauma Therapy Can Help You Find Freedom From Your Past
You do not have to continue brushing your little “t” trauma symptoms aside. Therapy can help you gain agency in your own adult life. I invite you to contact me to book a free 15-minute consultation or schedule your first session.
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