Couples Therapy
Are You Dealing With Communication Roadblocks In Your Relationship?
Have frequent conflicts with your partner left you feeling emotionally drained? Does it seem like you and your partner are growing further and further apart? Are you concerned that your partner doesn’t truly understand you or that you’ve taken on most of the responsibilities within your relationship?
When you and your partner have trouble communicating, you can shy away from expressing your wants and needs altogether. These disagreements and full-blown arguments make it hard to fairly divvy up your responsibilities or enjoy your hobbies and interests together. Your sex life might be suffering as a result, and you may miss the intimacy you used to share in the early days of being together.
Conflicts With Your Partner Can Leave You Feeling Misunderstood
Sometimes you wonder if your partner knows the real “you” anymore. It feels like you’re always talking past each other, and no matter how many times you repeat the same argument, you never reach a satisfying resolution. When one of you gets stubborn and defensive, the other shrinks back, and neither of you can bring yourself to be vulnerable.
You and your partner still care deeply about each other. Yet if you could just communicate with patience and honesty, rather than getting defensive or dancing around difficult conversations, you know that you would both be happier. In couples therapy, you can learn how to work through disagreements without spiraling into heated arguments, address feelings of isolation or imbalance in your relationship, and reignite your physical and emotional intimacy.
Conflict Is Inevitable In All Relationships
If you and your partner have hit a rough patch, you might feel like you’re the only couple that is struggling. But in reality, occasional conflicts are unavoidable in all relationships, whether romantic, platonic, or familial. Everyone has their own unique history and background, and we all bring our own expectations, baggage, and sometimes friction into relationships.
People Are Influenced By The “Relationship Models” They Grew Up With
When we’re young, we learn about how relationships work from the adults in our lives. They “model” typical behaviors, communication styles, and expectations within relationships, and these models stick with us as we get older and enter our own romantic relationships.
Often, these models are not healthy or positive examples, but we view them as “normal.” We may not realize that what was normal in our household might be very different from what our partner was exposed to during their own upbringing. This can lead to clashes and disagreements.
It can be hard to see things through our partner’s eyes, especially if we only share our relationship troubles with close friends, who will naturally tend to empathize with us over our partner, instead of providing a neutral perspective.
Minor relationship conflicts are simply part of the human experience. But if it feels like your relationship is stuck in a rut, and both you and your partner are exhausted from constant disagreements or crossed wires, it may be time to reach out for help.
Through Couples Therapy, You Can Navigate Tough Conversations With Compassion
The relationship models provided by our families of origin serve as our earliest roadmaps for behaving in relationships, and they establish our expectations for our partner. For these reasons, we’ll explore each partner’s models and assess whether or not they were examples worth emulating. If it’s time to break away from these models, you’ll learn healthier ways of relating to each other while still honoring your personal values within the context of your relationship.
Treatment Approaches For Couples Counseling
While I draw from different techniques and modalities for working with couples, I primarily apply a Gottman-informed approach to couples counseling, centered around Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT). This modality involves uncovering the feelings that come up in response to specific behaviors. Sometimes, the actual subject of an ongoing dispute is mere “static.” In other words, it’s noise covering up a deeper desire or frustration. Partner A might repeatedly ask Partner B to wipe down the bathroom sink, but the sink isn’t the core of the problem. The way Partner A feels ignored or undervalued by Partner B when they repeatedly choose not to clean it is the real issue. By approaching a situation like this through the lens of EFT, couples can learn to identify and express their true, underlying
emotions, which naturally leads to more empathetic responses from each other. We may have different ways of doing things, but we can all identify with the experience of enduring distressing feelings.
A healthy, fulfilling relationship is built on a foundation of strong communication, collaboration, and shared compromises. Through couples counseling, you can learn the basics of respectful communication, improve your active listening skills, talk about tough topics without becoming defensive, and chart a new path forward for your relationship.
As a neutral third party, my goal is to help you cultivate a healthier, happier relationship with a strong, enduring bond. Couples often feel a little nervous about going to their first therapy session and opening up about deeply personal matters with a counselor. During sessions, I create a relaxed, welcoming environment where you can address challenging topics and sensitive emotions while feeling at ease. Overall, I aim to support you in deepening emotional, physical, and intellectual intimacy within your relationship.
What To Expect In Couples Therapy Sessions
Throughout couples therapy sessions, I’ll guide you in developing effective communication skills, navigating difficult conversations, disagreeing without “triggering” each other, and even handling conflicts in a mature fashion. Eliminating all arguments and conflicts isn’t a realistic goal, but in therapy, you’ll learn how to manage disagreements by focusing on solving problems as a team rather than criticizing each other. We’ll explore your shared and individual communication styles and how they may be contributing to ongoing conflicts or preventing you from resolving issues in a mature fashion.
But You May Still Have Questions About Couples Therapy…
My partner is hesitant to try couples therapy—is there anything I can say or do to encourage them?
Sometimes, people assume that couples therapy will entail one partner telling the other about everything they are doing wrong or that going to therapy means your relationship is already doomed to fail, but these common assumptions aren’t accurate. You may want to describe therapy as an opportunity to address minor issues in the relationship before they become big problems, improve your mutual communication, enhance feelings of connection and prevent family “baggage” from affecting how you are each showing up in this relationship.
My partner and I are ethically non-monogamous/polyamourous. Can we still try couples therapy?
Absolutely! I frequently work with couples who identify as ENM/poly, as well as those who may be considering these options for their relationship. I don't believe that one relationship model fits all, and my singular goal is to help ensure that whatever kind of relationship you have works for you.
I’m nervous to talk to a stranger about sex and intimacy in my relationship.
It’s totally normal to feel a bit uncomfortable with the idea of sharing the most intimate and personal aspects of your relationship with a therapist. As a therapist, I’ve been trained to discuss sensitive, intimate topics in an open, judgment-free manner. It’s important for couples to feel at ease when talking with each other about sex and intimacy, and discussing these topics with a therapist can improve your general comfort levels around these conversations.
How frequently will we need to come in for sessions?
I encourage couples who are just starting therapy to attend sessions once per week. Meeting regularly when you begin therapy allows us to build rapport and start addressing “critical” issues right away. After the first few sessions, we may be able to reduce the frequency. However, this is not a strict rule—if you’re seeking support for improving your relationship, but you’re not dealing with a pressing crisis, going to therapy every other week might be a better fit. I’ll be happy to work with you to figure out what session frequency will work best for you, and throughout our work together we will reassess this as necessary and appropriate.
In Couples Therapy, You Can Rebuild Your Connection With Your Partner
If you and your partner are committed to healing your relationship and creating a brighter future together, couples therapy may be the right choice for you. I invite you to contact me to book a free 15-minute consultation or schedule your first session.
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